Crush

PhotoScanStarting in high school, I wrote poems about being in love and having your heart broken.

I kept several journals that I titled “Crush” that I would pour my heart into. I used to think it was such a beautiful expression that was filled with emotion, now it just seems like embarrassing bad writing. I didn’t think I was going to put any of my love poetry on the blog, but I’ve noticed on one of my writing groups a lot of women are writing stuff like this.

In my journals, I made little drawings and wrote quotes from Sylvia Plath. In one drawing, a flower blossom is on a tree, with an underripe fruit, symbolizing the first stages of a relationship that you can’t rush because the apple isn’t ready to bite into yet. I never got to the apple stage, the budding fruit was always plagued with worms and rot.

I’m going through everything in my Writing Portfolio and transferring everything I want to keep to the blog, so it will be kind of like an online portfolio. I had a poem that was made from pulling my favourite passages from Crush and compiling them together like a patchwork quilt, even though the poems were sometimes about different people. I submitted “Draws Sparks on My Heart” to a poetry competition and felt so proud when they said it was good! Except they just wanted me and everyone else who submitted to pay to have an anthology published. I knew right away it was a bit of a scam, but I thought about paying just to see my poem in a book.

Now several years later and I can’t even type up the whole poem without cringing, groaning regretfully, and face palming, oh man did I really write that down, whaaaaaat… delete delete. Here is an excerpt:

 

Like a young child hugging the legs of a stranger

Naive, oblivious to danger

That is how I love you

Like a dangerous animal

Tamed and trusting enough to rest its head on your lap

Forgetting past wrongs, acceding to your dominance

That is how I love you

I used to wonder how I would rebuild a shattered heart

Climb out of the dark and teach my soul not to fear love

Now I find

It took not strenuous effort

But the warmth and attention of someone truly deserving

You are the shining sun

To a cold and destitute heart

 

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3 thoughts on “Crush”

  1. Oh how this reminds me of how I am now! Hahah I think we all go through a phase like that, oh well at least it helped you get your feelings out. By the way, I love the illustrations, you’re a talented artist!

    Like

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